Ah, February. That magical time of year when Superior School Board members gather in a fluorescent-lit room, shake hands with bureaucracy, and pretend that an $80 million dollar budget isn’t duct-taped together with hope, haunted buses, and mandatory t-shirt giveaways.

❄️ “It’s Cold. I Got Nothing.” – The Theme of the Meeting

The meeting kicked off with an opening so disjointed it made a 5th grader’s book report look Pulitzer-worthy. One speaker led with, “It was really cold earlier… I got nothing.” So did we, pal. So did we.

After roll call and the obligatory Pledge of Allegiance, the meeting rolled on like an ice-covered school bus with no heat and a rattling muffler of financial anxiety.

🏫 Northern Lights: Shining Through the Fog of Excuses

Northern Lights Elementary took center stage with their highlight reel. Referrals are down, attendance is kinda up, and they’re the proud guinea pigs for some feel-good state project called “Project AWARE.” You know, to take care of the adults who are “taking care of the kids.” Translation: everyone’s burned out, and the fix is… self-inventory surveys. Because nothing says “healing” like a Google Form and a pat on the back.

Now for the punchline: 82% of kids have 10 or fewer absences. That’s spun as success. But let’s be real—18% of your students are missing like it’s an Olympic event. And the solution? “We’re brainstorming.” Brainstorming? In 2025? Maybe use ChatGPT, folks. Or like, buy a damn van.

🚐 Whitewater to the Rescue (Sorta)

Enter the transportation voucher fantasy. One board member gushed about Whitewater spending $40,000 to help get kids to school. It’s a great idea until Karen from cul-de-sac corner screams, “Why does that kid get picked up and mine doesn’t?!”

Ma’am, maybe because your SUV doesn’t have a boot hanging off it and you’re not dodging eviction?

Board members floated the idea with all the courage of a wet noodle, already bracing for the angry Facebook moms armed with ring lights and wine-fueled rage.

🧠 Unity Day: T-Shirts, Board Games & Blissful Denial

Now onto Unity Day, a kumbaya-palooza designed to make teens forget that their mental health is in free fall and half their teachers got laid off last year.

The Hope Squad pitched a schedule full of bracelet-making, board games, and inspirational speeches. And yes, every student gets a free t-shirt, because nothing cures generational anxiety like 5.3 oz of cotton-poly blend with a motivational slogan.

Phones were banned for the day — which is probably great, because nothing spoils fake unity like TikToks exposing the real climate in the cafeteria.

🚌 The Bus Report: “Haunted” and Horrifying

Pat the Bus Guy (give this man a medal and a raise) gave the rundown:

  • 29 routes, 37 buses, and a staff barely holding it together with ugly sweater contests and haunted school buses.
  • Propane tanks and diesel balancing acts like this was an episode of Breaking Bad: Fleet Edition.
  • 300+ stop-arm violations because apparently Superior drivers treat flashing red lights like a suggestion.

And yes, on freezing days, bus drivers are now moonlighting as Good Samaritans, picking up random freezing kids. We’ve literally reached “The Road” energy here.

Voyager Transit (aka “Help, We Need Adults With CDLs”) has been called in five times in six days. If that doesn’t scream “crisis,” I don’t know what does. Maybe next month, they’ll start recruiting Uber drivers and ice road truckers.

🧾 Motions, Motions, Motions – Bureaucratic Bingo

The rest of the meeting was a flurry of motions to approve:

  • Gifts, grants, and bequests (thank you, local bake sale warriors).
  • Legislative committee, teaching and learning, administrator contracts… you name it, they approved it.
  • Nobody voted no. Ever. At all. Which tells you either everything is perfect… or we’ve entered Stepford Board territory.

💥 Final Notes: Tired, Wired, and Still Admiring the Emperor’s New Clothes

Student enrollment? Barely budged. Committee reports? Read like tax forms written by ChatGPT-1. Teachers getting support for closing achievement gaps? Great. Now if only the kids had reliable buses to get to class.

At one point, someone actually thanked another person for “joining the dark side of administration.” No metaphor has ever hit harder.

🥄 Soup’s Summary:

  • Northern Lights is trying its best with 66% vibes and 25% percentile goals.
  • Transportation is a cold, haunted, diesel-scented tragedy.
  • Unity Day is just enough glitter and duct tape to hold off a lawsuit.
  • $80 million is being managed like a Monopoly game on mushrooms.
  • Board members nodded, clapped, and rubber-stamped everything short of handing out jetpacks.

If this is education in action, we’re all riding the short bus straight to a Netflix docuseries.

Until next time, Spartans. Keep your flashers on and your sarcasm sharper than your snow shovels.

Source : Meeting Transcript