“Step right up! It’s a battle of mayors, but not about roads, not about snowplows—
It’s about who can raise your taxes with the straightest face!
Duluth’s Roger ‘Revenue’ Reinert versus Superior’s Jim ‘Jacked-Up Levy’ Paine!
Two men enter, only your wallet leaves lighter!”

[Round 1 – Roger Reinert]

Yo, I’m Roger from Duluth, budgets cut to the bone,
“No new taxes”—while I pickpocket your home.
From Canal Park lights to the Lift Bridge show,
I sell press lines slicker than black ice, bro.

I blame the state, the council, the breeze off the lake,
But it’s your property bill that takes the real break.
Dress it as “equity,” “resilient,” “fair price,”
Translation: you’re drained, but my girlfriend says my speech sounds nice.

[Round 2 – Jim Paine]
I’m Paine from Superior, Tower Ave’s king,
“Flat levy,” I shout—while your taxes go zing.
Paper headlines? “Nothing will go up!”
Meanwhile your mortgage just doubled your cup.

Paper prints “steady budget,” I call it “success,”
Translation: your bill’s now a financial stress test.
Front page cheer, numbers unseen,
But residents whisper, “was that ninety percent, or just nineteen?”

[Hook]
Roger: “No new taxes!” (That’s what I claim.)
Jim: “Stable levy!” (But the numbers ain’t the same.)

[Round 3 – Reinert Returns]

Don’t call it a hike, Jim, I say “reframe,”
Revenue’s Monopoly—I’m running the game.
Tourists still clap when I talk in a suit,
Meanwhile fine print steals your parking boot.

Council? County? Maybe St. Paul’s call,
Whoever takes credit—I still stand tall.
Bills rise higher than the Blatnik span,
But I’ll cut a ribbon, smiling like a weatherman.

[Round 4 – Paine]
Oh Roger, relax, we’re the same old gag,
Buzzwords on repeat while the tax bills nag.
I said “flat levy,” then slid in a hike,
Superior’s broke—but my selfie game’s tight.

We cut ribbons together, dodge blame with style,
Twin Ports politics—it’s Hot Potato on trial.
You call it “equity,” I call it “the norm,”
Either way, wallets drown in the storm.

[Hook]
Roger: “No new taxes!” (That’s what I claim.)
Jim: “Stable levy!” (But the numbers ain’t the same.)

🎤 [Final Hook – Call-and-Response]
Reinert said “No new taxes!” (Crowd: That’s what he claims!)
Paine said “Flat levy stable!” (Crowd: Numbers ain’t the same!)
Both: Duluth to Superior, the spin don’t stop,
We raise your bills, then smile for the photo op.

Reinert: I cite inflation.
Paine: I cite the state.
Both: But your bank app says—ain’t it great?
Two mayors, one game, one nonstop spin,
You pay the bill while we chalk up a win.

[Outro – Clerk Voice]

“Council adjourned.
Next business item: Pretending this was the taxpayers idea.”