Superior, Wisconsin: Where Scandal Is a Civic Tradition

Consultants Can’t Fix This Dumpster Fire

Mayor Jim Paine wants to drop $50,000 on a California consultant to assess “cohesiveness” in the Superior Police Department. Because nothing screams serious reform like flying in a corporate team-builder to run icebreakers in a department that’s been sued more times than it’s solved crimes.

This isn’t about trust restoration. It’s about reputation management. Superior isn’t experiencing a communication problem. It’s buried in institutional rot. What it needs isn’t a consultant—it’s a forensic audit with a federal badge.

40 Cases Dismissed: Officer Rankila’s Netflix-Ready Fiction

Let’s talk about Jarid Rankila, the officer whose flair for fiction torpedoed 40 criminal cases—26 of them felonies. One of his greatest hits? Claiming a suspect slammed a car door on his hand. Bodycam footage revealed him casually waving that same hand like he was hailing a cab seconds later.

This wasn’t some isolated lie. It was an exposed vein of misconduct running through a department that had no business overlooking it.

Tased Over Takeout: Cuypers and the DoorDash Disaster

Ian Cuypers, a 22-year-old DoorDash driver, got tased after turning the wrong way on a one-way street. Guns drawn, multiple officers barking conflicting commands, and then—bam—two taser hits to the body.

Afterward? Laughter. Jokes about finishing his delivery. Cuypers, now out of state, suffers from PTSD. What did the department do? Basically shrugged and carried on like frying a food courier was par for the course.

Drunk Sergeant Kills Two, Gets Soft Time

Off-duty Sergeant Greg Swanson had a 0.19 BAC when he plowed into a stalled car, killing a father and his infant son. The state’s attorney asked for ten years per victim. Judge George Glonek handed him two five-year sentences—to be served concurrently. That’s five years for two lives.

Swanson wasn’t fired—he resigned. Because in Superior, killing people in uniform still qualifies you for a graceful exit and pension privileges.

Breast Milk and Surveillance: The SPD Employee Handbook?

Investigator Mikayla LeRette filed a federal lawsuit after she was forced to pump breast milk in a shower stall with no privacy and repeated interruptions. Oh—and her vehicle was illegally tracked via GPS by a supervisor. The new Chiefs wife staying classy SPD.

A workplace so hostile that even basic bodily autonomy was up for debate. And this isn’t ancient history—it’s ongoing culture. That’s not policy failure. That’s sabotage by management.

Mayor Paine’s Land Swap: Family Ties > Forests

Let’s pivot to the mayor’s side hustle as a conservation magician. Jim Paine proposed trading away 60% of the Superior Municipal Forest in exchange for lifting a conservation easement on property owned by his uncle and cousin. That land was meant to be a bird sanctuary. Instead, it’s now possibly a future riverside real estate listing.

Paine insists he had “no personal gain.” Which is adorable—like saying your fingerprints all over the cookie jar are purely coincidental.

Enough With the Consultants—Time for the DOJ

The issues in Superior aren’t a matter of poor communication. They’re the result of unchecked power, preferential treatment, and institutional cowardice. $50,000 won’t buy reform. It buys silence. It’s hush money for dysfunction.

What Superior needs is federal oversight. Not a PowerPoint. Not a vibe session. Not another press conference where the word “transparency” gets tossed around like a beach ball.

Mic Drop

This isn’t a system that’s broken. It’s a system that’s functioning as designed—to shield itself, protect its own, and keep the public out. The good news? That also means it can be rebuilt—if the Department of Justice is brave enough to walk through the front door.

Burn the sage, shred the consultant contract, and call the Feds. If they don’t act now, Superior might as well change its name to Status Quo, Wisconsin.