Soupnutz Exclusive: City Council Votes Itself Into the Museum Business (Because That’s What Government Is Good At, Right?)

Welcome to Superior, Wisconsin—where the lakes are cold, the politics are colder, and your city government just voted to take over the museum because what could possibly go wrong?

On June 3rd, in a city council meeting that felt like a community theater production of “Yes, Minister,” the Council voted to officially insert itself into managing the Douglas County Historical Society’s Old Firehouse and Police Museum. Why? Because the Finance Committee thought it was a “smart” idea. And you know the Finance Committee—the same folks who probably need a calculator to count how many fingers they’re holding up.

Spoiler alert: they tabled running the museums like it’s a lemonade stand. So buckle up, taxpayers. We’re not just funding potholes and overtime anymore—we’re funding vintage fire helmets and ghost tours.

Mayor Jim “Trust Me, Bro” Paine: The Human Soundbite Machine

Mayor Jim Paine gave a speech that was essentially a self-hype TED Talk. He said the museum “has more value than its balance sheet.”

Translation? “I have no clue what this will cost, but it’ll look good in a campaign flyer.”

Then, in true motivational speaker fashion, he declared this vote “affirms the value of local government and our commitment to telling the stories of this community.”

Ah yes, nothing screams fiscal responsibility like storytime with your local government.

Finance Committee: Bold Moves, No Receipts

Councilor Sweeney, who pushed the motion like a used car salesman with a quota, bragged that “the Finance Committee is confident that the city can operate the museum effectively.” Sure, just like they “effectively” fixed that budget hole last year using oil money and prayer candles.

Oh, and they based that confidence on—wait for it—a PowerPoint. I’ve seen middle schoolers present more compelling business plans for lemonade stands.

Public Comment: A Resounding “Uh, Maybe?”

Some brave souls from the public actually came to speak—likely the same three people who still read city notices. One man urged transparency. Another wanted “community partnerships.” One woman asked the obvious: “Do we even want to run a museum?”

Spoiler: The answer was basically, “Shhh. Daddy Government knows best.”

Dissenting Voices: The Last Sane People in the Room

 Elm warned this would turn into another money pit, and another councilor politely suggested that maybe, just maybe, this wasn’t the hill to die on.

But of course, in Superior politics, common sense is like an endangered species: observed occasionally, but never protected.

The Big Picture: Another Shiny Thing for the City to Fumble

Let’s be real. This isn’t about history. This is about optics. It’s the local version of a midlife crisis. Only instead of buying a sports car, the City of Superior is buying…a museum.

Because what’s more nostalgic than pretending bureaucracy can save history?

Closing Argument: Firehouse Museum? More Like Dumpster Fire Waiting to Happen

Look, running a museum is hard. It requires planning, expertise, and resources. But who needs all that when you’ve got vague optimism and government-grade Excel spreadsheets?

The city’s about to learn what it’s like to put out fires in a museum where the exhibits are real—and so are the budget shortfalls.