Superior City Clowncil: Where Nepotism Isn’t Just a Policy — It’s a Family Plan

Soupnutz.net dives headfirst into the April 8, 2025 City Council Clusterfunk

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🎪 Welcome Back to the Municipal Circus

Tuesday’s meeting of the Superior Common Council kicked off like an episode of Twin Peaks written by a city planner on Ambien. Rambling side stories, small-town gossip, and a budget chant of “$1,000… $1,000…” repeated so many times you’d think it was a cult initiation. Seriously, half the council sounded like they were auditioning for an off-Broadway production of Glengarry Glen Ross: The Methadone Years.

But fear not! There was real business. And by “real,” we mean the kind of decisions that could be made by a Magic 8 Ball with seasonal depression.

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👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 Human Resources: Tweaking the Nepotism Policy… LOL

Yes, HR updated the nepotism policy. And the irony wasn’t lost on anyone because guess who’s the mayor’s wife?

Yep. Councilor Jenny Van Sickle, who was literally gifted a farewell plaque by her loving husband, Mayor Jim Payne, in what was essentially a heartfelt “I’m sleeping on the couch if I screw this up” moment.

You could practically smell the Hallmark sentimentality through the legislative bullshit. But let’s not kid ourselves — in Superior, love means never having to recuse yourself from voting on your spouse’s policy initiatives.

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🗑️ Landfill Drama: The Garbage Soap Opera Continues

The landfill’s closing, and the city is treating it like a terminally ill uncle — slowly, with denial and vague optimism. There’s “uncertainty,” “upcoming cost increases,” and more financial hedging than an Enron reunion tour.

It’s not a question of if fees will go up. It’s when. And the answer is probably “right after you start to enjoy the lower ones.”

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📚 Oops, We Forgot the Library

The city “accidentally” shortchanged the library. So they tossed ‘em a measly $60K, like a drunk dad giving his kid a twenty for missing their graduation. Budget error? Sure. Honest mistake? Probably. But when you’re spending weeks debating goat landscaping (we’ll get there), it’s a bad look to forget the people keeping your citizens literate.

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🐶 Narcan, K-9s, and a Meth Lab—Oh My!

Public safety was equal parts COPS and Black Mirror. Over 1,400 police incidents, a fatal OD involving xylazine (a sedative for horses, naturally), and meth labs in Burnett County.

New drug-sniffing dog Luca is joining the force — because if you’re going to die from a synthetic tranquilizer, at least let a dog find your stash first. Meanwhile, the Fire Department is handing out Narcan kits like Tic Tacs, because that’s 2025 America, baby.

Also, they’re testing mini roundabouts, because nothing says “we care about traffic safety” like a glorified Hot Wheels track.

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🚭 T21 Ordinance: Bureaucratic Ping-Pong

The city tried to raise the tobacco age from 18 to 21. But the ordinance’s wording said “easing” instead of “raising,” which is bureaucratic poetry for “we forgot how words work.” So it got punted back to committee faster than a greased pig at a 4-H fair.

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🐐 Goats: The Only Ones Actually Doing Work

Parks and Rec is rolling out a summer program that includes new bathrooms, splash pads, and — wait for it — goats. Yes, literal goats are being used to eat invasive plants in Billings Park. Because apparently, the weedwacker union demanded too much.

Honestly, they’re the most productive employees the city has right now, and they don’t even need health insurance or HR training.

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🏗️ Zoning Code Talk: Sexy Like C-SPAN on Quaaludes

The mayor begged folks to join zoning workshops, claiming zoning is “more interesting than you think.” That’s like saying oatmeal is more thrilling if you believe in it hard enough. Spoiler: no one believes in it hard enough.

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🎨 Bring Your Weird Crap to the Museum

Councilor Moffat invited the public to a museum event where people show off what they collect. Called “Recollector Recollect,” it’s part art exhibit, part support group for hoarders. Got Beanie Babies, severed doll heads, or expired hot sauce packets from 1993? You’re in.

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🪟 Window Salesmen From Ohio Are Coming. Run.

Out-of-state door-knockers got licensed to peddle windows in town again. Background checks? Not all done yet. But apparently, they’re from “Madison Windows,” which sounds like a shell corporation in a Dateline special. So get ready for unsolicited visits that make Jehovah’s Witnesses look like introverts.

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🏆 The Farewell That Launched a Thousand Eye-Rolls

And now, the moment the mayor had clearly been practicing in front of the mirror: the Farewell to Councilor Van Sickle — aka his wife. If you think city politics isn’t a family business, then you must be new here.

Jenny got a plaque, a love letter disguised as civic appreciation, and a speech that was one John Williams score away from being the last scene in Mr. Smith Goes to Washington. We learned she once refused an invitation to meet the President (twice), which sounds noble… until you remember she accepted a job on the council where everyone can’t stop saying “$1,000” like it’s a mating call.

Look, we get it. She served. She chaired. She didn’t burn the place down. Bravo. But can we stop pretending this wasn’t the political equivalent of “bring your spouse to work” day?

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In Conclusion: Soup for the Soul. Eye-Rolls for the Council.

Between the romantic goodbye, window hawkers, Narcan overdoses, and goat laborers, it’s clear Superior’s city council isn’t just dysfunctional — it’s performance art.

And if you’re wondering who’s steering the ship?

The mayor’s in love.
The council’s off-script.
And the goats are eating everything in sight.