Hey Superior! Tired of budget bologna and council drama thicker than clam chowder? Then belly up to Soupnutz — where our bowls are full, but our budgets are balanced.

While Van Sickle and Elm are out here starring in their own Errol Morris documentary in the Telegram, softly whispering sweet nonsense about “financial stability” while lighting $43 million in ARPA and Enbridge Oil Money on fire like it’s a candlelit dinner for bureaucrats…

We at Soupnutz believe in keeping it simple, steamy, and hot ! — just like a good cup of tomato bisque.

If these two get reelected this April, they’ll have outlasted George Washington’s presidency—without planting a single cherry tree or cutting taxes. But hey, at least George didn’t leave us with a $2 million deficit after blowing through $43 Million in bonus cash.

🎬 Act I: A Tale of Two Politicians Who Should’ve Known Better

Van Sickle strutted onto the scene in 2017, Elm joined shortly after, and together they’ve been on a seven-year spending spree that would make a Kardashian blush. They’ve been holding office since Obama left the White House, and instead of change we can believe in, we got budget holes and survey monkey democracy.

They talk about “progress,” but let’s talk about the receipts.

💸 Act II: The $43 Million Magic Trick (aka Financial Arson in Plain Sight)

Let’s break down their greatest hits:

• $18 million in ARPA funds: Meant to help recover from the pandemic. Used for ribbon-cutting ceremonies and projects that look good in election mailers.

• $25 million in Enbridge oil money: A fossil fuel cash so massive it could’ve paved the streets in gold. Instead, it was burned through like kindling.

Total: $43 million.

Gone. Vaporized. The fiscal equivalent of disappearing a pizza in a college dorm room.

And what do residents get?

• No lead pipe replacement.

• Tax Hikes.

• But hey, we got a trail,dock, and some life jackets. Yay nature.

🧃 Act III: Budgeting with Kool-Aid and Clickbait

Now, with another $50 million on the table, you’d think the people would get a vote, right? A good old-fashioned referendum?

Nope.

Van Sickle and Elm want to run your city by online poll. That’s right. The future of Superior’s infrastructure could be decided with the same level of legitimacy as “Which Saved by the Bell character are you?”

Because apparently, democracy is too much trouble—especially when it might get in the way of rubber-stamping the mayor’s next pet project.

🧠 Act IV: Meet the Opposition—People Who Actually Ask Questions

In District 2, Sarah Anderson dares to ask, “What if we fixed the damn pipes before funding more fantasy fiber?”

And in District 6, Randal Wuorinen wants to know where the money went before handing out another blank check. Radical stuff, we know.

They’re not tied, or married to the mayor.
They’re not playing patty-cake with budgets.
They just think maybe, just maybe, people should know how their money’s being spent.

💀 The Legacy of Van Sickle & Elm: Long Tenure, Short Results

If reelected, these two will have outlasted George Washington himself. But instead of building a republic, they’ve helped drain the treasury and paved the way for budget deficits.

They call it “responsible governance.“
We call it municipal malpractice.

🗳️ The Final Scene: Your Move, Superior

This isn’t just about potholes and fiber optics.

It’s about accountability.
It’s about leadership.
It’s about whether you’re willing to be gaslit with your own tax dollars.

So, on April 1st—don’t be the fool.

Don’t reward fiscal fantasy and click-poll governance.
Vote for people who believe in budgets, ballots, and basic honesty.

Because Superior can’t afford another season of The Van Sickle & Elm Show.

Not unless you like sequels that end in higher taxes and lower expectations.