Oh, Superior—where the water isn’t the only thing that’s murky. The ongoing debate over whether the city should wrest control of Superior Water, Light, and Power (SWLP) from the private sector is the kind of drama you’d expect from a bad soap opera: shady dealings, questionable motives, and the ever-present threat of someone trying to steal your wallet. Let’s dive in, shall we? But, uh, don’t drink the water.

Monopoly vs. Municipal Mess

First, SWLP has had a 135-year monopoly on Superior’s water, making them the Nestlé of local utilities: a necessary evil we tolerate because, well, thirst is a powerful motivator. But now, the city—led by Mayor Jim “I Swear I Have a Plan” Paine—wants to step in with promises of lower rates and better infrastructure. Because if there’s one thing governments are universally known for, it’s efficiency and cost control, right? Oh, wait.

Here’s the problem: trusting the city to run a water utility is like trusting a toddler to handle your taxes. Sure, they’ll give it a go, but don’t be surprised when the whole thing ends up covered in crayon and glitter glue. This is the same city leadership that managed to bungle property tax assessments so badly that homeowners are still icing their wallets after a collective 90% burn.

Accountability: Who, Us?

Let’s talk about the oversight—or lack thereof. SWLP is at least subject to state regulatory bodies, which, for all their flaws, provide some semblance of checks and balances. If the city takes over, those checks vanish faster than a lead pipe inspection crew on a Friday afternoon. The council, notorious for prioritizing its pet projects over public interest, would essentially be running an unchecked fiefdom. Nepotism, cronyism, and general ineptitude? Oh, the possibilities are endless.

And speaking of Mayor Paine, let’s not pretend Superior’s city hall is immune to the sweet siren song of good ol’ fashioned back-scratching. The optics alone are like drinking water from a cloudy glass—you don’t know what’s in it, but you’re pretty sure it’s not good for you.

Lead Pipes and Lead Promises

Ah, the lead pipe issue—a problem that’s been hanging over this city like a toxic Sword of Damocles. The city claims it’ll unlock federal funds to replace those 3,700 lead service lines. Sounds great in theory, but so does socialism until you run out of other people’s money. What happens when those funds disappear into the black hole of bureaucracy? Probably the same thing that happened to the last batch of well-intentioned grants: a lot of meetings, a lot of talk, and zero shovels in the ground.

And let’s not forget, this isn’t just about lead pipes—it’s about who controls the narrative. SWLP may be the devil we know, but a city-run utility? That’s a whole new Pandora’s box of mismanagement waiting to be opened.

Corporate Greed vs. Civic Incompetence

Critics love to point out SWLP’s ties to Allete and the looming specter of BlackRock, the Darth Vader of finance. But let’s be real: trading corporate greed for government bungling is not the upgrade anyone thinks it is. It’s like swapping a shark for a bear—they’ll both eat you, just in different ways. At least SWLP has shareholders to answer to. What does the city have? Public meetings where everyone talks but no one listens?

And then there’s the math. If Mayor Paine’s recent budget proposal—a $35.9 million extravaganza padded with $10 million in debt—is any indication, fiscal discipline isn’t exactly his strong suit. How does he plan to manage a utility when he can’t manage a budget without turning homeowners into cash cows?

The Bigger Picture

This whole debate isn’t just about who delivers your water bill; it’s about whether Superior’s government can be trusted to handle anything without turning it into a dumpster fire. Sure, public ownership has its merits—when it’s run by people who know what they’re doing. Unfortunately, Superior’s leadership hasn’t exactly inspired confidence in their ability to play chess, let alone Monopoly.

At the end of the day, Superior deserves better than to be stuck choosing between private greed and public incompetence. What the city really needs is a system that prioritizes the people—one that’s transparent, accountable, and capable of managing a basic necessity without screwing it up. Until then, maybe stick to bottled water.