Mayor Paine vs Lead Pipes (and Basic Adulting)

The Setup

Superior’s city “leaders” are squabbling over whether to let federal money flow to private utility SWL&P or let Mayor Jim Paine turn himself into the federal funding gatekeeper. Because obviously, public oversight means he gets to cash the checks.

This, mind you, from the same mayor who once went full Office Space and couldn’t figure out how property taxes or city untilites worked. That’s right—while Superior residents managed to pay their bills on time and navigate taxes without needing a Sherpa, Mayor Paine was out here asking, “Wait, we pay how much for sewer?”

This is the guy who now wants to be in charge of millions in infrastructure money. Kinda like putting the kid who eats glue in charge of the chemistry lab.

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“Give Me Power, or I’ll Call the Governor”

“If they put us in charge of that money, I will call the Governor myself and ask him to sign the bill.”

So, let me get this straight: Paine opposes the bill… unless he personally gets to directly control the money. That’s about as principled as a toddler’s demand for dessert—“I don’t want it! Wait, give it to me!”

This is also the same guy who didn’t understand how city utilities worked until he got slapped with a late notice, and they wound up on his property taxes. Now he wants to play Monopoly with federal funds again? You can’t make this stuff up.

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“Cash Giveaway™ to a Private Overcharger”

“It’s a direct cash giveaway to a company that has already significantly overcharged…known about their lead line problem for 50 years…and has not invested any of their own money.”

Hold up—so SWL&P supposedly sat on a lead pipe mess for half a century, screwing folks over the whole time ? Jim’s an expert (no facts) on everything just ask ? And now we’re still giving them money? Paine’s logic: “They suck, and unless I hand them money, they can’t have it.”

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“Hey, Where Was This Outrage for the Last 50 Years?”

Suddenly, our mayor is outraged over a problem that’s apparently been common knowledge for decades. It’s like discovering your house is on fire… and then posting a lecture about it on Facebook. 

“I Don’t Think The Bill Will Pass…But I’ll Call the Governor Anyway”

And to top it all off: Paine doesn’t actually think the bill will pass—yet he’ll still be the one calling the governor to push for it. This double talk would’ve gotten him kicked out of Three’s Company.

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Final Roast

We’ve got a mayor who missed his own water bill due date preaching fiscal discipline, throwing shade at SWL&P, and demanding control of a bill he calls bad—unless he’s holding the pen and the purse.

Superior doesn’t need a watchdog. It needs a plumber with a backbone—and a mayor who knows how to set up auto-pay.

City Clowncil Members Who Voted Against FREE Lead Pipe Money for City Taxpayers Water Lines :

City Clowncil President Lindsey Graskey

Ruth “Rubber Stamp” Ludwig

Garner Moffat

Former Member – Jenny “the Mayors Wife” Van Sickle

Jack Sweeney

Nick Ledin