🧑‍⚖️ Mayor Jim Paine Swears to Tell the Truth, Then Doesn’t: PSC Circus 

🚨 Oath? We Don’t Need No Stinking Oath!

Let’s talk about Mayor Jim Paine—yes, that Jim Paine, the pride of Superior, Wisconsin, and apparent understudy to Pinocchio. Because when it comes to the Public Service Commission (PSC), it seems lying under oath is just… standard operating procedure. Apparently, once you raise your right hand in front of the PSC, it’s more of a dramatic flourish than a commitment to, you know, truth.

Paine showed up to the PSC hearing like it was open mic night at a local coffeehouse, confidently peddling data he didn’t create, couldn’t verify, and didn’t fact-check—but hey, he swore to it, so everything’s cool, right?

🧃PSC: Pretty Selective Credibility

The scene: a Zoom-packed procedural snoozefest on water rate hikes. The issue? Superior, WI residents pay the highest water rates in the state. Sounds like something to get righteously mad about—until your main witness, the mayor himself, flubs the facts under oath.

In a moment of classic Midwest humility (or courtroom comedy), Paine submitted a flashy exhibit—“Wisconsin Water Utility Rates”—claiming it showed Superior got the wet end of the billing stick. Except… he didn’t make it. City councilor Jenny Van Sickle did. And the data? Unverified, partially highlighted for totally unrelated reasons, and offered without the kind of footnotes that give grown-up evidence credibility.

Paine’s oath-swearing performance quickly unraveled like a Dollar Store poncho in a Wisconsin rainstorm. First, he implied he pulled the data himself. Then under questioning: “Oops, actually Jenny made it.” Then: “Well, I could’ve made it. I know how now!” Excellent. Let’s award merit badges for aspirational truthfulness.

🕵️‍♂️ PSC: Public Swearing Commission?

This isn’t some school board bake sale—this is a formal utility rate-setting hearing, the kind of place where math, legal precision, and truth are supposed to matter. If you’re allowed to lie under oath, or let “honest mistakes” slide because hey, you’re wearing a tie and sound confident, why even make people swear in?

The PSC let this slide with all the spine of a cooked noodle. At one point, even the judge shrugged off the exhibit’s origins and verification with a “No worries.” Because nothing says accountability like bureaucratic indifference.

It’s worth asking: If you can lie under oath, with no pushback, and still get your flawed exhibit into the official record, why the hell are we pretending the PSC is some pillar of public trust?

🗳️ The Mayor’s Math Doesn’t Add Up

Paine’s stunt was a classic “Look, shiny chart!” moment. Sure, residents are mad about rates. But if your supporting documents are slapped together with the statistical integrity of a BuzzFeed quiz, you’re not a public servant—you’re a rate-hike magician pulling numbers out of a hat and hoping nobody looks too closely.

Even worse, he couldn’t answer basic questions about whether other municipalities used taxes to offset water costs, making it apples-to-hand-grenades comparison at best.

🥇 If Lying Was an Olympic Sport…

In a just world, swearing falsely in a regulatory hearing would trigger a perjury charge or at least a stern letter. But not here. At the PSC, it seems oath-breaking is just… Tuesday. Paine was allowed to saunter off with zero consequences, likely headed back to City Hall to plan another photo-op about civic transparency.

🚸 Soupnutz Exclusive: A New Sport – Gaslighting Under Oath

So let’s call it what it is: Mayor Jim Paine, under oath, presented evidence he didn’t verify, misrepresented its origin, and doubled down on its significance without understanding its construction. That’s not public service—that’s public relations cosplay.

The PSC? Just nodded along like someone pretending to understand a Radiohead lyric.

So next time your water bill spikes and you’re told it’s just “the cost of doing business,” remember this farce. Because Superior might be paying the highest rates in the state—but the real robbery’s happening at the mic.

🧨 Mic Drop

Taking an oath used to mean something. Now? It’s just an awkward hurdle between your spin and someone else’s rubber stamp. Mayor Paine’s stunt proves that in Wisconsin, you can lie through your teeth—as long as your tie’s straight and your lies come with a chart.