Soupnutz.net Exclusive: Paine Wants Safer Sidewalks—Too Bad He Keeps Tripping Over His Own Policies

Good news, Superior! Mayor Jim Paine has been selected to join the 2025 Mayors Institute on Pedestrian Safety (MIPS), a prestigious little club where 12 mayors sit around and brainstorm how to help people not die while crossing the street.

That’s right—while the rest of the country is worried about inflation, housing, and not choking on climate change, Mayor Paine’s laser-focused on making sure your stroll to Kwik Trip doesn’t turn into a “Final Destination” reboot.

“We want folks to want to walk through their neighborhoods and through their community year-round,” Paine said.

Translation: Please ignore the shuttered storefronts, but do enjoy the improved crosswalk while passing them.

Business in the Front, Crosswalk in the Back

Mayor Paine insists safer streets will boost the economy, saying:

“If folks have any doubt about their safety, they probably won’t cross that street. And a business may lose an opportunity at that customer.”

Cute theory. But here’s the reality: Crossing the street doesn’t cost Superior businesses customers—Mayor Paine’s anti-business administration has that covered all by itself.

Let’s talk receipts:

• Opposed the Nemadji Trail Energy Center, a job-creating project with strong labor backing.

• Wants to municipalize broadband and water services like he’s building a Soviet Sim City.

• Regularly rolls out red tape like it’s a damn carpet to stop businesses.

You want walkability? Cool. But how about making sure there’s still something to walk to?

The Voters Have Spoken—and They’re Tired of the B.S.

And speaking of getting walked out—let’s not ignore the giant political wrench voters just threw into Paine’s pedestrian paradise: his wife, Jenny Van Sickle, got voted out of office.

Yeah. Maybe now he’ll finally find that ambition he’s been saving for a rainy day—now that the citizens of Superior sent a crystal-clear message: We’re tired of the antics, the performative politics, and the vanity projects.

Maybe getting served a slice of humble pie at the family dinner table will finally snap him out of his “sidewalks will save the world” trance.

Icy Sidewalks and Even Colder Politics

Let’s get real: trying to create a pedestrian-friendly utopia in a city where half the year the sidewalks are basically iced-over booby traps is a stretch. It’s adorable. It’s delusional. It’s Peak Paine™.

Meanwhile, Superior’s business community is getting frostbite waiting for some pro-growth policy—and watching as City Hall pours its energy into slapping neon paint on crosswalks and calling it economic development.

Final Crossing Signal

Look, we’re all for not getting run over by a speeding minivan. But while Jim Paine’s out there fighting the noble war for walkability, the rest of us are wondering when he’ll stop tripping over the private sector.

The sidewalks might be safer soon, but the city’s economic future? Still in a dangerous intersection.