🪦 “The Curious Case of Mayor Jim Paine’s Memorial Day Memory Loss”

Honoring the fallen by calling out the frauds.

🪖 This Memorial Day, We Remember the Brave—and Roast the Brazen

While America lays wreaths and whispers thanks to its fallen heroes, up in Superior, Wisconsin, someone else is trying to bury something else entirely: the truth.

Yes, folks, in a bold tribute to absolutely nothing, Mayor Jim “Who Needs Facts Anyway?” Paine is back—this time starring in a memorial-themed masterclass of perjury so slippery it makes a used car salesman look like a nun.

Because if Memorial Day is about remembering, Jim Paine apparently thinks we should forget.
Forget oaths. Forget accountability. Forget that he was under oath when he opened his mouth and said, “I do”… to lying.

🎖️ Sworn to Serve, Not Sworn to Tell the Truth

You’d think a mayor testifying under oath would be the one time truth could stand a chance in City Hall.
But no.
Mayor Paine showed up to the Public Utilities Commission like it was Open Mic Night at the Gaslight Café. Only instead of poetry, we got fiction so bold even George Santos would side-eye it.

Let’s roll the highlights:

• 🧢 Claimed ignorance on issues he approved

• 🎭 Contradicted himself like he was in a telenovela

• 🔥 Treated perjury like a game of hopscotch—skip, dodge, lie, repeat

All of it, under oath. All of it, on tape. All of it, brought to you by the fine folks of Wisconsin’s taxpayer base.

⚰️ Memorial Day Deal: No Integrity, No Shame, All Lies

While veterans are honored for sacrificing their lives, Jim Paine is out here sacrificing facts like it’s a damn pagan ritual. And here’s the kicker—it’s not even a crime in Wisconsin unless someone actually cares enough to enforce it.

It’s like perjury is just the mayor’s new cardio:
Lie, sweat a little, get re-elected. Repeat.

📼 LIVE FROM SUPERIOR: “Oops, All Lies!”

Break out the folding chairs and potato salad, because this Memorial Day, we’re offering a red-white-and-BS double feature:

“The Curious Case of Mayor Paine’s Convenient Amnesia”
Followed by the sequel:
“Truth? Never Heard of Her: The Jim Paine Testimony”

This is Wisconsin politics, where integrity is optional, and accountability comes in the mail like jury duty—but you just throw it out.

🇺🇸 Because Nothing Says ‘Freedom’ Like Faking It Under Oath

Let’s call it what it is: Jim Paine treated his sworn testimony like a choose-your-own-adventure book written in disappearing ink.

And while Memorial Day is about remembering those who defended the Constitution, Paine’s version is more like:
“Defend? Nah, I skimmed it once in college.”

🧢 Official Mayor Paine Memorial Merch Drop:

• “I Swore an Oath and All I Got Was This Re-election” T-Shirts

• “Wisconsin: Where Perjury is Just a Punchline” Mugs

• Mayor Paine Bobbleheads—Complete with detachable moral compass and flip-flop shoes for every flip-flopped answer

🚨 Final Crossing Signal

This Memorial Day, don’t just fire up the grill—fire up some civic outrage.
Because if Paine can skate by lying under oath, who’s next? Your neighbor? Your kid’s principal? The guy who says “I’ll call you back”?

Let’s honor the truth the same way we honor our heroes: publicly, loudly, and without letting liars rewrite history while wearing the title of public servant.

So light a candle. Watch the tape. And then maybe, just maybe, someone will finally ask Jim Paine a question he can’t lie his way out of.