Ah, Superior, Wisconsin—where the grass is always greener, mostly because you’re paying for it twice. In the latest episode of “What Fresh Hell Is This?”, the city has been rolling out Scenery & Home Landscaping Grant, offering homeowners between $1,500 and $5,000 to jazz up their front yards. Because nothing says fiscal responsibility like handing out gardening grants while residents are busy auctioning off their furniture to pay property taxes.

This beautification bonanza is part of the city’s 2040 Comprehensive Plan, championed by none other than Councilor Jenny Van Sickle—yes, that Jenny, the one married to Mayor Jim Paine. They maintain separate residences, presumably to avoid the awkwardness of sharing one roof while screwing over the same taxpayers. Or maybe it’s just to keep their conflicts of interest from having to share a bathroom.

DIY Alley Paving: The Homeowner’s New Side Hustle

While the city hands out free money for front-yard petunias, they’ve also implemented a brilliant idea: making homeowners pay for blacktopping the alleys behind their own houses. Yep, Superior has basically turned basic city infrastructure into a DIY project.

It’s like paying for a restaurant meal and then being told, “Oh, but you’ll need to cook it yourself in the back.” Usually, this kind of nonsense comes with an HOA—except HOAs at least pretend they’re giving you something in return, like a pool or passive-aggressive newsletters. Here, all you get is the privilege of financing the same pavement you have to dodge potholes on.

Corner Lots: The City’s Favorite Children

Homeowners on corner lots are especially encouraged to apply for the landscaping grants because, apparently, having two street-facing sides makes you more deserving of taxpayer-funded begonias. Who knew geometry could be so lucrative?

The Real Landscaping: Covering Up Fiscal Fiascos

So, to recap: you get to pay skyrocketing property taxes, fund alley paving like it’s your personal driveway, and maybe—just maybe—win a grant to plant some daisies. It’s the municipal version of robbing Peter to pay Paul, then offering Peter a gift card to Home Depot as a consolation prize.

Great job, Jenny. Who knew fiscal mismanagement could look this… picturesque?

Sources:

Northern News Now

Superior Telegram

City of Superior Landscape Grants

City of Superior Alley Application