“Stars, Stripes, and Stunts: Mayor Jim and Shifty Scherf’s Firework Follies”

A Happy 4th from the Land of Mayoral Mayhem

If patriotism had a punchline, it would be Superior, Wisconsin—and leading the charge in this fireworks-fueled sitcom are none other than Mayor Jim Paine, our part-time philosopher, full-time fiscal magician (he can make budget surpluses vanish!), and his shadowy chief of staff Rebecca “Shifty” Scherf, the Rasputin behind the municipal curtain.

So as we stuff our faces with grilled brats and wave our sparkler sticks like emotionally confused toddlers, let’s pause to honor the real stars of the show: those who made Independence Day feel like an extended episode of Parks and Rec: Government in Flames.

Jim Paine: Mayor of Mayhem, Master of Spin

Let’s give a standing ovation—preferably on someone else’s lawn—to Mayor Jimmy P, who marked the holiday by reminding everyone he’s really, really good at public speaking and really, really bad at answering questions.

Whether it’s promising community investment and delivering committee confusion, or showing up to a BBQ in khakis tighter than city budgets, Jim Paine remains Superior’s best argument for term limits.

You know it’s a party when the guy who fought to keep the golf course in public hands also loses track of half the city’s spending reports. Cue the fireworks—someone light ‘em under the finance department.

Shifty Scherf: Chief of Secrets and BBQ Scheduling

Then there’s Rebecca “Shifty” Scherf, the unelected queen of whisper campaigns and calendar controls. Need a meeting that no one knows about? She’s your girl. Want to reshuffle a city event with zero notice? Just call Scherf.

If Mayor Paine is the face of the city, Scherf is the shadow holding the cue cards, whispering “don’t admit anything” between grill flips.

She’s been in more backdoor meetings than a speakeasy bouncer. And let’s be real—if Superior’s city council was a game of Risk, Scherf would be hiding the dice.

Independence from Competence

From a council too afraid to say “boo” to a mayor who says “budget transparency” with a straight face, this year’s Fourth of July has been an explosive metaphor. Sure, there were fireworks. But the real pyrotechnics came from watching Shifty Scherf scurry around damage control while Mayor Paine tried to remember which Facebook post got the most likes.

Let freedom ring—and by freedom, we mean the freedom to hold your elected officials accountable without getting blocked on social media.

Final Firecracker: Democracy, Declared Optional

So if you happen to run into Mayor Jim Paine this Fourth of July—maybe he’s flipping burgers with a speech in his back pocket or awkwardly waving at kids while dodging questions—do him a favor:

Remind him that the irony isn’t lost on us.

Because while he’s out there celebrating freedom, he’s also the same guy who’s been flirting with autocracy like it’s a summer fling.

This is the same man who:

• Violated open meeting laws like they were expired parking meters.

• Tried to trade city land like it was Monopoly property, all to settle his family’s little easement oopsie.

• Bypasses the democratic process faster than a council meeting adjournment, acting like a budget king in a game of “Screw the Voters.”

• And with his partner-in-political-subterfuge, Shifty Scherf, he committed $50 million of your tax dollars to the PSC without ever asking your opinion, your vote, or your damn permission.  Think property taxes went up this year ? and your noticing homes for sale all over town ? just wait.

So yeah, wave that flag, Mayor. But maybe next time you declare “freedom,” make sure you’re not actively erasing the democracy it’s built on.

Now pass the hot dogs—your hypocrisy makes us hungry.