🏫 School Board Meeting or Local Government LARP?

The District Where “Aye” Means “I Don’t Wanna Talk About It”

Ah yes, the June 2025 Superior School Board meeting—an event so packed with bureaucratic back-pats, it felt like a PTA potluck got hijacked by the cast of The Office. Spoiler: nothing exploded, no one cried, but someone did get recognized for playing nice with kids and swinging golf clubs. Let’s dig into this warm, slightly soggy casserole of public education politics.

🧍‍♂️ Teacher of the Year, or Golf Caddy with Chalk?

Let’s begin with a feel-good moment—because that’s how every public meeting shields itself from actual accountability.

Taylor, a sub who “makes class fun” and doubles as the assistant golf coach, snagged “Guest Teacher of the Year.” Never mind he couldn’t show up to get the award because he was presumably too busy helping kids avoid sand traps.

“He plays well with students.”
Translation: He hasn’t told a single kid to “shut up” and knows how to keep score. Bravo.

📜 Policies, Procedures, and More Policy Because God Forbid We Innovate

🔠 Literacy Mandate: Because Apparently Hooked on Phonics Didn’t Stick

Thanks to Wisconsin Act 20, we now need a state-mandated “third-grade retention” policy. In short: if your 8-year-old can’t read Goodnight Moon without crying, they might be sticking around another year. Implementation starts in 2027. Because nothing says “urgency” like a two-year bureaucratic nap.

“Adopting this policy is required to maintain statutory compliance.”
Translation: We checked the compliance box. Now go back to pretending this will help Johnny read.

🎓 “Start College Now” But Don’t Forget Who’s Paying

Policy 2271.01 got a makeover to include tuition, course fees, and books for tech-bound students. So congrats to those chasing a welding cert instead of a philosophy degree. You finally get a few bucks thrown your way—just not enough to cover rent.

💸 Inflation Special: Lunch Prices Go Up (Again)

Effective July 1, lunch prices are increasing. You know what that means: more cardboard pizza for $4.50! Teachers get to pay more too. But hey, it’s not just inflation—it’s “nutritional alignment” with USDA guidelines. Mmm… tastes like debt!

👮 SRO Reports & Bullying Stats: Trust Us, We’re Working On It™

The school cops (SROs) gave a glowing report. The bullying stats were delivered like a grocery list, and yes, they read their own policy numbers aloud—because nothing quells parental anxiety like citing “Policy 5517” while your kid’s getting shoved into a locker.

🧠 Summer Reading for Teachers: Not Just for Kids!

Professional development is happening. Teachers will be reading books. Will it be about classroom management? Or another 200-page treatise on “equity through TikTok”? We’ll never know.

🎁 Grants, Bequests, and Budget Shenanigans

All-night grad party donations rolled in strong. Because nothing says “thank you for 12 years of public school” like black coffee and a hypnotist in the gym at 2 a.m.

Also approved: the preliminary 2025-26 budget. Any questions? No? Good. Vote “aye” and let’s move on before someone brings up spending transparency.

🗳️ Politics & Pretending: The Legislative Update

Governor Evers and the GOP kissed and made up long enough to schedule a vote on school funding. The board encouraged everyone to send an email through a pre-drafted link.

“They’ve already got it set up.”
Translation: We care, but not enough to write our own letter.

🎓 Graduation Glow-Ups: Gold Stars All Around

Everyone said graduation was “awesome.” And yeah, it probably was—until we remember this is the same system that waited until 2027 to implement a reading law.

🧾 Final Notes: Bills Paid, Smiles Forced, Motion Adjourned

They wrapped it all up in 16 minutes. Probably a record. But let’s be real: if efficiency was their superpower, reading scores wouldn’t be in the toilet and lunch prices wouldn’t need an annual GoFundMe.

🧠 Mic Drop

So there you have it: a board meeting where the most dynamic move was adjusting sandwich prices and praising a part-time golf coach. The rest was a montage of “approved,” “motion seconded,” and “aye.” If this is governance, I’ll take my chances with Whose Line Is It Anyway?—at least there, the points don’t matter on purpose.