🚓 Speed Trap City: Superior’s 35 MPH Cash Grab

🎯 “Serve, Protect, and Pull Over Everyone After 5 PM”

Welcome to Superior, Wisconsin, where the only thing faster than traffic on East 2nd is how quick you’ll get slapped with a ticket for daring to drive home from work without your Waze app screaming, “SPEED TRAP AHEAD, YOU BEAUTIFUL, TAXABLE IDIOT!”

That’s right, folks—rush hour has been officially rebranded as “Blue Light Harvest Time.”

From 5 to 8 PM, East End turns into a municipal money printer, catching anyone with the audacity to… drive 36 in a 35.

💸 East End: Where Every Commute Comes with a Cop Surprise

You know it’s a racket when they roll out the same speed trap they already ran at the Bong Center—because if you’re going to fine people, why not do it near a place named after a guy whose last name makes every high schooler giggle?

Same radar guns, same tactics, same tired excuse: “The City Council told us to.”
Oh, did they? Well, if the City Council told you to throw common sense into Lake Superior, would you do that too?

If this is law enforcement, then I’m a bald eagle with a law degree. Let’s not pretend catching a bunch of exhausted wage slaves headed home from their 9-to-5 is about safety. It’s about the almighty traffic fine.

Because nothing screams “community policing” like pulling over an HVAC tech for doing 36 in a 35 while eating a Slim Jim and swearing at his Bluetooth.

🐕 Even the K9 Unit’s In On It?

According to trial transcripts in the Ian Cuypers taser case transcripts, the city only has five on-duty units—including the K9 officer—they were posted up in East End, writing tickets like they were selling Girl Scout cookies with flashing lights.

You heard that right: the drug-sniffing dog isn’t hunting meth or fentanyl—he’s helping bust Michigan dads who forgot they left a weed roach in the ashtray.

It’s a highway harvest for out-of-staters with Minnesota plates and a 0.3 gram pre-roll. It’s not “To Serve and Protect,” it’s “To Sniff and Extort.”

🌙 Want Real Crime? Try the Night Shift

You know what would actually make a difference? Running these traps from 11 PM to 3 AM, when actual problems happen.
But let’s be real—they probably won’t.

Because pulling over a Subaru at 5:30 PM with a soccer sticker and a sleepy toddler in the back seat is way less risky than confronting some vodka-fueled NASCAR wannabe doing 90 in a busted Chevy Lumina at midnight.

What if they catch someone drunk-driving? What if they have to do actual policing and not just revenue collection in a hi-vis vest?

💡 Waze: Now a Basic Human Right

If you don’t have the Waze app, get it. Now.
Because clearly, Superior PD isn’t here to keep the peace—they’re here to play speed trap Pokémon.
Gotta catch ‘em all—especially the ones just trying to get home before Wheel of Fortune starts.

🎤 Final Crossing Signal

This isn’t law enforcement.
This is legalized ambush with a quota attached.

Superior’s leadership thinks a blue wall of silence, a radar gun, and a K9 unit doing traffic duty counts as public safety.
But if your whole operation falls apart after dark and avoids drunk drivers like garlic to vampires, what exactly are you protecting us from?

Oh right—people going 36 in a 35 while tired and full of Arby’s.

⚠️ Soupnutz Legal-ish Disclaimer:

According to official trial transcripts from the Cuypers taser case, only five squads are assigned to patrol duty at any given time. So during the E 2nd Street “fundraising” operation—exactly zero were actually on patrol any where else. That’s right, zero boots, zero beats, zero backup.

So if it felt like the city was unsupervised and you were one fender bender away from becoming a Dateline episode—you weren’t paranoid, just painfully informed.