The November 19th Superior Common Council meeting had all the gravitas of a student council debate over vending machine snacks—except the snacks are your tax dollars, and the debate? A masterclass in unintentional comedy. It wasn’t governance; it was an improv show no one asked for but everyone endured. Let’s break it down.
Superior’s Council Meeting: A Civic Circus with No Ringmaster
The Superior Common Council meeting on November 19th wasn’t democracy in action—it was democracy on autopilot, stalling at every red light while pretending it was in the fast lane. If Kafka wrote Parks and Recreation, this is what it’d look like. Strap in.
Mayor Payne: Leadership on a Smoke Break
Mayor Paine opened with, “Budgets passed, elections over. I got nothing.” That’s right, folks—the city’s highest-ranking official took the floor and delivered… nothing. Not even a platitude! We’re paying this guy to sit in a meeting and do less than your average Zoom attendee. At least on Zoom, someone fakes typing notes.
Finance Report: The Power of No Effort
Councilor Elm, tasked with reporting on the Finance Committee, dropped this bombshell: “I have not prepared a statement.” No shit, Sherlock! Did you also forget to pay your electric bill or gas up your car? Because if this is how our finances are handled, we’re one missed paycheck away from pawning City Hall.
Rubber-Stamping the Budget: Democracy’s Easy Button
The council rubber-stamped the health insurance budget faster than you can say, “Do we have questions?” The only audible contribution? Councilor Van Sickle murmured a recusal she’s married to Mayor Jim Paine.Who needs deliberation when you can just chant “aye” and call it a day? If this is governance, I’m governing my own life by saying yes to ice cream for breakfast.
Achievements in the Art of Doing Barely Anything
The Finance Committee proudly announced their 2024 goal: one budget book. One. They patted themselves on the back for what amounts to remembering their kid’s science fair project the night before it’s due. If this is progress, we should all lower our expectations to sub-basement levels.
Museum Contract: Bureaucracy on Shuffle
The council discovered mid-meeting they hadn’t finalized documents for a museum management contract. Their response? Approve the idea of maybe approving it later. This is what happens when your entire decision-making strategy boils down to, “Eh, close enough.”
Fiber Expansion: Buzzwords Without Bandwidth
The city’s fiber-optic plans included impressive phrases like “170 miles of engineering” and “clustering installations.” Translation: We’re digging a lot of holes and hoping someone smarter will figure out the rest. Councilors seemed more worried about hiding cables underground than whether anyone will actually have internet access before the next ice age.
FOIA Software: Now With Predictive Text!
The council was thrilled about JustFOIA, a tool for handling public records requests with features like predictive text. Predictive text? For public records? Fantastic—now you’ll type “city budget” and get “Did you mean: We’re broke?” Transparency, brought to you by autocorrect.
The Whole Farce: Masters of Saying Nothing
From Mayor Paine’s deadpan “I got nothing” to councilors winging it like students bluffing through a book report, this meeting was less governance and more kabuki theater. The real takeaway? If you talk long enough, maybe no one will notice you’re not saying anything. Superior, your city council isn’t leading—it’s killing time.
